Immortal Computer Complaints

While computer technology revolutionizes itself every six months, computer complaints do not. Some of these complaints have been around since the 1970s. If you listen closely, you can still hear them happening today.

  • “My ‘any key’ is missing.” When prompted with the message “press any key to continue,” a user called in a panic because they couldn’t find the ‘any’ key on their keyboard. They didn’t realize the instruction meant they could press any key of their choosing.
  • “My mouse is acting funny.” The user had been using the mouse on the desk’s glass surface, which can cause erratic movement, and didn’t realize a mouse pad was needed.
  • “My computer is too noisy!” After a lengthy troubleshooting process, it was discovered the noise was coming from a desk fan nearby, not the computer.
  • Customer: “I’m having trouble with my hard drive.” Support: “What kind of hard disk do you have?” Customer: “Well… It’s black with a little red light …”
  • Message on a Chat Support Line: “CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?”
  • Favorite question asked of a Furniture Store by a well-to-do client: “Do you have antique computer desks?”
  • Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.” Support: “Did you have any problems installing the update?” Customer: “Oh… I have to install it to get it to work?”
  • What’s the difference between a Van DeGraf static generator and a belt driven vacuum cleaner? Not much. Don’t use a vacuum to clean your computer.
  • Support: “What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “When I change my font sizes, the letters change size.”
  • An exasperated female caller couldn’t get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the support technician asked what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happened.” You guessed it: the “foot pedal” turned out to be the mouse.
  • A slightly less astute male customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After a laborious period of troubleshooting, the support technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor and clicking “send.”
  • Support: “Tell me, is the cursor still there?” Customer: “No, I’m alone right now.”
  • Support: “Press the control and escape keys at the same time. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Programs list.” Customer: “I don’t have a “P.” Support: “You have to. “P” on the keyboard.” Customer: “What?” Support: “I said “P” on the keyboard.” Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
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